


Hoid's Counseling Service

by lightningrani



Category: Cosmere - Brandon Sanderson, Elantris - Brandon Sanderson, Mistborn - Brandon Sanderson, Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson, Warbreaker - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Cosmere, Cosmere Challenge, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, i guess?, implied Marasi/Ranette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 03:52:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3595308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightningrani/pseuds/lightningrani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a small corner of the cosmere exists a counselor for all its inhabitants. And who is a better counselor than a person who has visited all the worlds?</p><p>Written for the March 2015 Cosmere Challenge.<br/>Spoilers for: <i>Words of Radiance, Warbreaker, Emperor's Soul, Hero of Ages</i>, and <i>Alloy of Law </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Hoid's Counseling Service

In a small corner of the cosmere, there is a little house. Nothing about its exterior indicated that it was special.  A small side outside proclaimed, ‘Hoid: Professional Cosmere Counselor’.

The room was furnished like a typical doctor’s office.  The magazines were in a variety of languages. There were a few humanoids on the cover (though all the women’s left hands were covered in some fashion) and the titles on all the magazines sounded absurd at first look. _Metalmind_ , _Island Birds, Elantris Uncovered_ , _Breath and You, Alethi High Fashion_ … the titles went on and on.

Attached the professional waiting room was a small playroom. A sign declared it the ‘Spren, Seon, and Pets Waiting Area’. There were some objects lying haphazardly on the floor, but there were no tables, chairs, or even a rug to cover the floor.

There was a young receptionist at the window. A nametag was pinned onto his outfit, declaring that his name was Sigzil. He never looked especially happy, and seemed to hold against his boss, since he could be heard muttering curses under his breath once in a while. Apparently he has a better job, but Hoid pulls him away at random to help at the reception.

In front of Sigzil was a flyer stating counseling policies. It read:

  1. _All services have to be paid either by Investiture (Stormlight, Breath), Allomantic Metals or  or an accepted substitute. Ask the reception for details._
  2. _Sessions will last as long as the counselor deems fit. Please arrange appointments with reception when possible. Hoid will take people who have no appointments._
  3. _Only the sentient beings who the session is in name for are allowed into the session. Joint sessions with spren and Seon will cost extra._
  4. _Hoid does not do group sessions (with the exception of spren and Seon joint sessions). Hoid deals with enough politics as it is._
  5. _If you are currently not residing or cannot reside in the Physical Realm, please talk to Hoid first before coming to the office, in order to prevent continuity issues._



Sigzil looked at the schedule and sighed. Today was going to be a busy day.

**Shallan**

Hoid watched Shallan as she continued to sketch frantically. He sighed. This was how she avoided the question. At least she came to these meetings; apparently she was planning to skip before she knew who the counselor was going to be.

“Shallan,” he said quietly, “you need to talk to me.”

Shallan didn’t reply, and continued to draw.

Hoid sighed. He hated it when old organizations get reinstated and start following the rules. Those damn Knight Radiants and their agreement… and all of the current members were not very talkative.

“Listen, can you at least tell me one word so I can tell your leader that you’re cooperating? Otherwise he might take your art supplies away again.”

Shallan didn’t even look up as she said, “Jam. It tells you a lot about your personality, you know.”

Hoid wrote this down. Shallan didn’t seem to realize that the random words she was saying was constructing a story of sorts. But it wasn’t much help if she didn’t want to cooperate.

**Suzeborn**

“How is dealing with a kingdom going for you?” Hoid asked conversationally.

Suzeborn smiled and started to talk. And talk. And talk.

Dear Adonalsium, why did he become such a chatterbox after he got his tongue back?

At least this was their last meeting. Now Siri could handle it. She probably enjoyed listening to him, anyway.

**Elend**

When cleaning out his old files, Hoid ran into Elend Venture’s. He had a harsh life, but then all the people on Scandrial did until the Shards were fused. He came in whenever he could, talking about his family, love life, and government issues. Hoid did the best he could to help, but, well, he had an idea of how it would end.

Sighing, he moved the folder to ‘Completed’. Elend and Vin were enjoying their lives in the Cognitive Realm. He doubts they would ever come back here in need of his services.

**Kaladin**

Kaladin was another person required to meet with Hoid. Also like Shallan, he probably needed it. The Knights Radiant did have a good reason for this polciy.

Also like Shallan, Kaladin did not like to talk. Unlike Shallan, Kaladin didn't draw. He just stared and grunted.

It was very unhelpful. And, unlike Shallan, there was very little that could persuade Kaladin to talk. Syl was doing her best, but after working the bridges, there was little which seemed like punishment to Kaladin.

And then there was the fact that pushing too far could cause negative repercussions to his mental health.

But listening to him grunt was not helping anyone.

"Have you been practicing with the flute I gave you?" Hoid asked conversationally.

Kaladin froze. Ha. Hoid got him.

"I lost it," he mumbled, not meeting Hoid's eyes.

"Kaladin, how could you have lost something so precious to me? I trusted you."

Kaladin winced. "Sorry. I left it during the move."

"Why don't you make it up to me by telling me something about yourself?" Hoid prompted.

Kaladin gave him a glare. "My brother's name was Tien," he said flatly, and then said nothing after that.

Hoid wrote that name down. At least it was something. 

**Shai**

Hoid never had a proper session with Shai. She didn't like him that much, first of all -he reminded Shai too much about a person who betrayed her once- and she never really had that much time to talk about her feelings. Or, well, didn't want to make the time. And Shai's use of Seals made talking about her personality difficult at times. 

Nevertheless, she checked in with him in her own unusual way. 

Hoid would find a seal hidden in a flowerpot. Or a letter underneath a pile of unopened correspondence. And he would leave something back in the same place, only to hide it removed a few days later. That was how they talked, most of the time.

The few times Shai wanted to come in, he knew to expect a messenger of sorts, from some of the groups who had been trying to contact him for his services. She would never talk for long, but would just say enough to give him an idea, and handed over a letter with more details.

Hoid wasn't sure why she kept on doing this. Shai was not the kind of person who trusted others. But he knew the types of games that she played. Who knew what manipulation she was attempting to play. And who knew how well it was working. 

**Marasi**

Marasi Colms, the proper young lady from Scandrial. She had been a regular visitor since her child, dealing with self esteem issues from a young age. But her life had become more interesting lately, when she met Waxillium. It didn't solve her self-esteem issues, though she felt better about her Allomantic powers after she saved the day with them.

Now, however, she seemed very frazzled. Dressed very formally, wearing one of her better dresses, Marasi wasn't looking straight at Hoid. She kept on fiddling with the lace trim on her sleeve. That was quite unusual for someone who was usually very forthcoming.

"Is there anything you would like to talk about, Marasi?" Hoid promptly calmly.

"Other than Wax rejecting me and marrying my half-sister? No, not really. He seems to be focused on some other plot, and has not had much time for me."

"Is that really all?" 

"Of course! What else would be bothering me?"

Hoid looked back down at his notes. "You've been spending a lot of time with Ranette, correct?"

Marasi fidgeted. "Of course. She has been modifying my rifles and providing me with some interesting rounds. She's a very nice woman, when you get to know her."

"Isn't Ranette brusque and more focused on her work? How does one get her attention?"

Marasi kept her head down, but Hoid could see a blush.

"Are you still sad that Wax rejected you, Marasi?" Hoid asked gently.

Marasi looked at him and smiled slightly. "Not particularly, no."

**Dalinar and Stormfather**

Trying to fit such a large spren like the Stormfather into his counseling area was a bit difficult. A bit of spatial manipulation fixed the situation however.

The difference between Dalinar and Stormfather was striking. Dalinar was calm and confident, steadily meeting Hoid's gaze. However, Stormfather was obviously troubled. His clouds were disturbed by small gales, and tiny lightning bolts were visible through his eyes.

"I understand that there has been conflict between the two since you bonded," Hoid began. 

Dalinar nodded curtly. "Stormfather has been reluctant about working together since the beginning," Dalinar explained. "It was only with my cajoling did he instate me as the leader of the Knights Radiant."

HUMANS CANNOT BE TRUSTED, Stormfather intoned. ONLY MY PACT HOLDS ME TO THIS MAN.

Hoid sighed, pushing the hair from his forehead. "Stormfather, I take it that you do not care about the destruction of the world if you don't help?"

HUMANITY MAY DIE, BUT THE SPREN WILL ALWAYS EXIST IN SOME FORM.

"And yet, I cannot allow you to hold this position any longer! I will not let my people die to hands of Odium!" 

Hoid sighed internally. This was going to take a few sessions. "Now, let's start at the beginning..."

**Vasher/Zahel**

Vasher was a new patient. A reticent and personal man, Vasher was never the kind of a person to talk about his problems others... unless that sentient being was a sword.

However, in order to get to his new home, he had to give up his sword as an entry fee. And, separated from the few friends he did make, he now had no one to talk to.

Zahel, as he was now called, sat in Hoid's office, wearing the ragged robes of an ardent. His personality hadn't changed much, and therefore getting him to talk was difficult.

"Why are you here?" prompted Hoid. Zahel just looked at him.

"There's this soldier. Works for my new boss. Reminds me of myself, sometimes."

"How is that a problem?" Hoid asked.

Zahel laughed bitterly. "If I could have prevented the choices I made back then, I could have. I hope he doesn't ruin his life like I did."

****~~Sazed~~  Harmony****

Talking to a Shardbearer wasn't something Hoid had done in a while, since most of them had been consumed by their Shard's personality centuries back. It was nice to have a new player on the field, especially one who came from such a intellectual background.

Of course, holding two shards of opposite natures can be difficult at times, and Harmony often needed to consult with someone for advice. 

Hoid pulled out his notes about Harmony. Sazed started to visit during his crisis surrounding religion, recommended to here by Elend. Hoid had found their talks intellectually stimulating.

Now that Sazed was in the position that he was, he was privy to some more sensitive information than he was before. And when he didn't want to talk about business, their discussions could be enlightening.

Harmony came during the space between sunrise and morning on Scandrial, the traditional time. Anyone from the Physical Realm would think that Hoid's office was still closed, and wouldn't even know about the session happening inside.

Hoid stood in the middle of the room, waiting. While Harmony was his patient, he was also his equal, in some sense.

Harmony phased into the room seamlessly, appearing in his traditional outfit. "It's been a long time, Hoid."

"Not too long, in the timescale of Shardbearers," Hoid retorted. "Interested in some tea?"

Harmony waved the offer away. "I need some advice, though not the kind I usually ask for. I've heard what's happened on Roshar."

Hoid waited, quietly. There was another service he used to offer as well, which also disappeared as the Shardbearers aged. But it seems like he might need to reinstate some policies.

"What can you tell me about Rayse?"

Hoid laughed. Gone was his professional demeanor. He was an old man who had seen too much, and knew too much as well. "Harmony, you will need to pay me a lot more to get that information."


End file.
